Poor POV (rant)

Does anyone else read the often rather porny “Peter is the Wolf” werewolf webcomic?

Does anyone else want to slap the character Sarah up the side of the head?

Does anyone else want to see her try and explain the predicament to someone and simply have them answer “So wait.. you dumped your boyfriend because he was raped? What the hell kind of person are you!?”

Okay she’s a newbie werewolf and having a lot of shit thrown at her so is rightfully expected to be a bit emotional, but she dumps her boyfriend while he’s still sobbing and tied to the bed of a derelict motel room, because “she can’t handle it”. And now the story is that the rape victim is having go along with some elaborate plan to trick or win back the girlfriend?

Okay he sorta has good reason to because of the plot device that a newbie werewolf has to be trained, not reveal themselves and so on or they’ll be killed by the rest of the pack to keep the secret.. but the whole thing leaves an awful taste in my mouth.

Maybe there’s some level of truest love I’ve never obtained or something, but if the person I was with broke up with me and left after interrupting me being raped..? I’d be awful grateful for it being interrupted, sure, but blaming me for being raped?? It being such a burden on them that they can’t take it? Sure, thanks for the concern, glad you just witnessing it rather than having it actually done to you is the bigger stress factor here!

I’m sure I’d be upset by both events at the time, but once the shock passed I don’t think I’d want to be anywhere near the selfish toad ever again.

And now leading into more sexual shenanigans in order to win/trick her back into being with him? Not only is the victim being forced into apologising and apparently accepting the blame for being a victim, he’s got to use more sex, more probable trauma to himself, to do it.

Because in fiction, more sex makes everything better. Even for rape victims.

But I’m sure they’ll be lots of fuzzy titties for everyone.

Is my expectation of a reasonable reaction that far out of whack? What would you do if you found your partner bound naked, sobbing with a sexual predatory on top of them?

I don’t think my reaction would be to dump them on the spot and leave. I would hope the reasonable reaction would be after the predator had legged it, to untie my partner and fucking comfort them.

Or maybe Sarah is really that much of a shallow ditz. Maybe that’s where I’m disconnecting from the story; assuming there’s something deeper about her that would actually make her attractive as a person. Mutual depression does not make a relationship!

Or maybe it is accurate. Teenagers are supposed to be emotionally immature, it’s kinda the definition of them.

This does not meet my expectations for emotional depth in storytelling, nor reasonable behaviour for the otherwise fairly “normal” characters. This is not what the everyman character should be accepting.

Grr.

Bang, zoom, to the courtroom Alice!

I may have mentioned CSTART before. It’s an organisation with a promising ideal; an open-sourced space program.

It’s the application of that ideal that’s proving a problem.

Some of the primary goals of the organisation are laid down as making it a globally collaborative, non-profit, volunteer organisation to organise and provide funding for development of open-designed space hardware and software.
The biggest problem this throws at the ideal before it gets off the ground is a legal one, and that’s not something you can ignore. CSTART likes the idea of basing the non-profit registration in the USA, but the USA has ITAR (International Traffic in Arms Regulation). And while discussion of items already in the public domain is permissible, any new development would be illegal to distribute out of the country. This is because of the risk that information on rocketry could be readily weaponised. And while I can’t find specific legislation, the odds are other countries would be similarly litigious on the subject.

A fairly relevant example would probably be to mention the New Zealand man who in 2004 was bankrupted after attempting to develop a “DIY Cruise Missile”. The bankruptcy was a result of litigation from the NZ Inland Revenue, though Mr Simpson believes the litigation was under direct pressure from the USA. While that’s not a provable link, the project itself stirred up quite a wasps nest. The hardware was all off-the-shelf, built with minimal tooling, some custom coding, 50 year-old principles, and was built on a very small budget. If there was no actual illegality in the project, simply describing it as a Cruise Missile accomplished one of the authors goals; to show “weapons” of similar functionality to their mil-spec namesakes could be built on a fraction of the budget with little specialised work.

There’s a long discussion that could be gone into over the legitimacy of the argument behind these fears, but I believe the upshots to be:

  1. Terrorists won’t invest that many resources in a single device with low returns.
  2. World governments won’t use it because far more refined technology can be bought, stolen and/or copied.

In any case it seems to me autonomous long-range weight-carrying drone aircraft would be far more likely to be of use in drug smuggling.

Excusing for a moment the matter that developments with potential for weaponisation are already being published online and are apparently therefore outstripping the ability of governments to locate, research and prosecute, the “threat” still remains. So it is likely it’s only those that actively attract attention to themselves that will feel that axe fall.

Trying to community-source a moon landing is going to attract attention.

The idea that items could be developed and made public domain immediately has been mentioned on CSTARTs forums and also falls short, as the process of developing them to a point where they can be published would require them to already be in the public domain to develop them in the global community.

Even assuming that other countries are fine with such open development, it would still require the exclusion of the USA.

Making CSTART a single world-spanning org would legally prevent it from making any new developments. (Or place it in breach of a US law that would mean at very least it wouldn’t be able to be a non-profit there very long, or render a lot of it’s members bankrupt from fines.)

So CSTARTs premise has mutually exclusive goals in it’s current form.

A solution?

Something needs to be altered, and I think the best candidate is to change CSTART from a singular entity to a series of national groups operating under one banner. While this alone don’t solve the problem of information-sharing, it does make it easier to manage. Localised groups can work on developments within their own ranks and then publish them to the public domain for further development by the community as a whole. Problem solved!

The downside of this, you may be quick to point out, is it breaks a sense of community down. And when you have goals as (literally) lofty as a space-program, you need as large a resource-base as you can get.

However this portion is a problem I believe can be solved with technology.

Software Premise 1: A distributed forum system

My solution to the issue would require creating a new type of internet forum software, where selected portions of the database were shared with other instances of the forum on other hosts.

In this system, communal areas of discussion such as those dedicated to technology already in the public domain or subsequently deemed safe for unrestricted development, are shared. Instances of the software on different servers synchronise these postings between themselves so each forum has a live version of the communal posts.

Regional forum areas would be listed in all instances, but their content would not be shared until local moderators approved it as “safe”. A useful detail however could be to include live regional summaries in the form of statistics, to give a sense of community activity without content actually being shared. Possibly encrypted versions of those local posts could also be stored on other forums as backups, but even in that unreadable state it may still present a legal issue.

Forum user IDs would also require synchronisation, which on public areas at least would provide redundancy; if one forum goes down, users can temporarily migrate to another host. Users would of course require authentication by moderators to ensure they had legal citizenship before allowing access to the nation-specific areas.

To some those checks may seem excessive, but forum moderators often have to do similar to ensure members are of legal age if wishing to access adult sections of discussion groups.

Further upsides to the the idea are that it would promote physical meetings and increase the likelihood of subsequent material experimentation, as well as allow redundancy and additional flexibility (again, rules binding developments in one country may not exist in another and pre-formed national groups would enable smoother hand-overs).

A warning

The need for promoting material experimentation is also a crucial one. CSTART is not the first group of its kind; there have been many other enthusiast groups with goals of actually getting people into space. And most have decayed into apathy soon after.

  1. Form internet discussion group
  2. Attribute goals, structure, cool project names, abbreviations, etc..
  3. Discuss whatever facets of projects happen to come up ad-hoc
  4. Watch as traffic falls as people get frustrated with lack of progress
  5. Wait for forum owner to close it due to lack of interest

CSTART has a more focussed structure than most enthusiast groups so it’s coming apart in a slightly different way, but at a bit over a year old it’s lost some of it’s original core and it’s discussion traffic is slowing. It’d edging into Step 4, apparently stalled because of the issue of setting up a non-profit somewhere.

It may be worth sugesting that top-down control of crowd-sourced groups is difficult, bordering on impossible. Again, I feel the goals are incompatible with the logistics. The non-profit is a wonderful idea to fund steps in physical development. But beyond member donations, getting money in seems difficult. There’s also a usage issue; while reverse-engineering technologies on an amateur or non-profit premise is often permissible, it’s also an arrangement that will actively prevent their use in any professional sense later on.

A specific example could be a group building a cheap rocket and managing to get their own satellite up then being approached to take money for launching someone elses. Suddenly it could be a paying job, you’d have enough money for further rockets, but you can only follow this opportunity if you build a rocket using different technology, effectively starting from scratch again because the reverse-engineered work is no longer non-profit.

You could take only enough to cover costs and keep doing it for the love of it, but the motivational hit of turning down extra funding would likely be a big one.

Designs need to be open-sourced and not reverse-engineered under the auspices of being not-for-profit. It’s an important issue to raise early to prevent issues later on.

Software premise 2: The recyclopedia

This is actually an idea I’ve mentioned some time back in my old blog and on a few mailing lists. It’s also something I think could probably be of use here.

Provisionally the idea was to resolve the issue of reference legitimacy on Wikipedia by combining it with Project Guttenburg, while at the same time resolving the formatting issue with older books lacking index or proper table of contents.

The idea would work like this: Take public domain textbooks (something currently far less archived than popular fiction) and copy them into special source pages. You then create pages for a subject and insert portions of text from those public domain works by referencing book, chapter, page number, paragraph or what-have-you. The CMS would then insert the text as a series of linked quotes into one page, by default arranging the references in chronological order and creating a visible history of development on a particular subject.

Foot-notes could be added to the context pages to account for any critical mistakes, changes in standards of measurements, etc, while the original source remained unchanged. In fact if books were arranged by unique ISBN code then a book could be slowly assembled over time, quote by needed quote (ISBN or similar required to ensure identical source material and version).

It would require several different interfaces for book viewing, quote management, and wiki-like interlinking of contextual articles, but in the case of an open-source design system such a self-referential repository of public domain information would be invaluable as a starting point for future developments. In the context of something like CSTART it could readily compile everything from basic physics and engineering to Von Braun’s V2 blueprints.

In conclusion

Both the software ideas I’ve suggested here I feel would be excellent aids to not only a group like CSTART or it’s successors, but other open groups as well. It also provides a much needed sense of involvement for those with programming skill who would love to help out on these engineering projects but feel they have nothing material to offer.

As far as the groups themselves go, the underlying structures don’t seem fit to support them yet. And even if the ideas I’ve described here would help, fully implementing them in such a project would still need to be done alongside consultation with lawyers to make sure something with such inherent legal and financial risks is put in place properly. So far running in saying “we don’t need to think of that yet” has only lead to people becoming disheartened as subsequent ideas outpace ability, and we need to stop that. The potential exists, and our only stumbling block is our own sense of self-control. We must put the facilities in place so our imaginations can be focussed toward achieving these lofty goals.

I hope that if my assumptions are flawed someone will correct me, and if they are correct perhaps yet more individuals interested in collaborating on such projects will step forward.

Sci, you were a massive dofus.

TLDR: Fun times with teenage 3rd-person rambling.

One of things I’ve been taking on this week is sifting and transcribing the huge pile of old notes I have kicking about. A foot-tall pile of scraps and scrawled-on envelopes.
Most of them are going to be compiled into more succinct lists of ideas, information and so forth. Then the original mess can be tidily burnt, and I can process anything useful out of the notes.

I’ve just finished transcribing this gem though which will be avoiding the burn pile for the time being. It’s a handy reminder of how far I’ve come, even if it does make excruciating reading.

The bit that bugs me the most is that as I started transcribing it I figured it was something I’d written early in high-school, maybe around 13-14 years of age. But no, I hit the point where it talks about being 17 in past-tense. I was 18 years old and wrote like this? How was I never tested for dyslexia?
Maybe that’s for the best anyway considering how I wore my existing faults as a badge of pride then.

Anyway here it is, original spelling and obsession with commas preserved.

Continue reading “Sci, you were a massive dofus.”

Digest on, few lil things..

Blogging about today. Woo.

The digest plugin has now been turned back on.

When I had to shut it off, I emailed the author to let them know of the problem. I thought this might help in the future whenever they got around to it.
What I didn’t expect was a series of instant email replies. the first within a few hours, the next couple rapid-fire as he found his own versions were displaying the same bug.
A day later and an updated version of Twitter Digest is available! And so far it seems to be working.

Very unexpected, and very welcome!

This morning my sister noticed a package for me stuffed behind the bins. Something to call the Royal Mail’s customer service line about, especially as there are 4 of us in the house at all times this week, and no one rang the bell.
The package turned out to be the “6 day delivery” cheapo ATX power supply I bought on ebay on sunday night for £20 including postage. It’s 650Watt and arrived in an unmarked box, with the supplies warrently label pre-voided, which is a concern. But since the old PSU was again unable to start this morning (it has had a problem with the 5v standby voltage), I swapped it in and it works. Phew!
The main PC is now somewhat more reliable.

The GU10 50Watt Dichoric halogens have also arrived, which will replace the blown ones in the portable lightbox and let me take product shots again.
As well, the Morse #2 Taper finishing reamer arrived, which will hopefully get the mill spindle back in shape. If not I’ll have to find a roughing reamer or taper-drill to give it an even more severe reaming. I should note though that finding a supplier online of those items is difficult, particularly the drill. What are you supposed to search for? “Morse taper drill” will give you thousands of drill bits with more taper shanks, but not intended to drill a morse-tapered hole. As best I can tell there’s no unique name for them.

Made myself a very nice dinner tonight; seafood in cream and white wine, served on a bed of rice.

I’m trying to relax after RBW so I can start doing things over from scratch the right way. Today felt all right. There was a peculiar predatory intensity in me. Oddly this may have simply have been down to clearing through my wardrobe and removing all the over-sized and poorly fitting items.
Result? Knowledge that whatever I pick, I’m going to look better in it that I would with the other items.

Have I really been that careless in my wardrobe choices? The collar was the only thing close to fitting me on some of these shirts. Jeez.

What’s going on in my head

Thinking about what really makes a healthy friendship and what doesn’t.

I’ve had some realisations about people I know lately, and some accusations I’ve been harsh. Yes I have been, but I feel with good reason.

When someone says they’re in trouble or pain, it seems rude to say you’re sitting and waiting for them to come to you to talk. They’ve acknowledged that help is needed. But instead of following through on that, they insist you still need to come to them. You still need to instigate it further. They’re not willing to contact you even though they’ve told you they know you’re hurting.
Even when you’re down, you’ve still got to be the one to put in the effort.

They’re willing to feign sympathy, but only on their terms.

And yes, more than one person has offered this. Interestingly they seldom actually have the time if you do try to contact them. It seems the offer is often just lip-service to make themselves feel or look good for offering, with no real intent to do more than a cursory nod, or worse voyeurism and/or use it as a vector to air their own issues at a captive audience.

Another thing is that friendships need maintenance. If you don’t talk to someone for a year, should you really expect them to be the same as when you last spoke? Should you have expected a neglected feeling of connection to remain as strong? Should I be just as willing to discuss all the same intimacies of my life with those people as I might have been a year apart ago?

When people I haven’t spoken to in a long time start offering random advice, it inevitably means having to recap the entirety of the situation, reinforcing it, digging up the same crushing feelings over and over. And I’m sick of that.
If you haven’t paid attention to what I’ve been saying up until now, why should I emotionally kick myself in the head all over again for you? I’ll stop short of saying that friends would pay attention to these things, because no one has the time to pay attention to everything. But I document stuff frequently, particularly my emotional states, the majority of my thoughts and actions go in public places, and I’m aware I have distinct behavioural quirks and mannerisms. But seldom do I hear advice from anyone who seems to have noticed these things.

It’s like being offered a meal at a steakhouse restaurant by someone saying they’re a “good friend” who yet somehow doesn’t even know you’re vegetarian.

It would be unfair to say my recent outbursts have been a “test”. They’ve been real, but at the same time I feel guilty about expressing them because I’m also aware of the connotations and reactions they may provoke.
(Generic comments from most, silence from others I emotionally wanted replies from, and a couple of jewels of hope from a few unexpected quarters.)
It’s sickening knowing you’re publicly letting go of what self control you’ve managed to regain because no one takes someone in need seriously unless they finally crack completely.

I comment mostly for myself, to create a log of my life and maybe get some feedback on some of it. I’ve long been sick of being the person who has to make the phonecalls, or send the messages to keep friendships alive. When I stopped doing that, people drifted away, which gives a fine marker on the existing strength of those friendships I suppose. A one-sided friendship is not a friendship.

Some people however have made me realise that I’ve become someone who only talks about work and stress.
I knew it was a problem, but when even people outside your expected social arena mention it, it really hits home. So did some people stop talking to me because of that? Well thankyou for mentioning it sooner if that’s the case. That’s worse than just drifting away; you knew something was going wrong and didn’t mention it.

Thankyou to those who’ve offered real help and advice, and acknowledged me as a sapient individual rather than a generic advice-column letter. You’ve helped more than it may be apparent.
To the rest, you’ve helped me realise what friends are supposed to act like, and that I’ve confused friends and acquaintances for some time.

I’m still unwell, and trying to find my way back to something like the healthy mindspace I had three years ago, before I began letting myself become focussed on just this one thing. I intend to take a break of sorts after RBW and go visit some people, where I hope I can relax a bit and remind myself of things that aren’t work-related.
And while I may still be a generic background character to most, I’m glad I’m not to all. I’m not intending to waste my time on people who treat me as if I am. I am worth more than that.

I also acknowledge this entry will likely cause both upset and anger in certain groups. It can’t be helped.