From LJ archive: 01/30/2008 13:56:00
So, weird dream last night. All in the style of a short film. Here it is, retouched a very small amount for consistancy.
Starring Simon Pegg. “Proteus Prescot”.
So Pegg exits a florists carrying a massive collection of bunchs of flowers, each with a barcode label hanging off it, next shot he enters an office block with the flowers. Next shot he leaves looking annoyed with the bunch much reduced.
Dumping the remaining flowers in a bin, he picks up his mobile and dials as someone races out of the building after him, looking disheveled. Pegg calls for a taxi and it imediatly bleeps back “You have been assigned auto-taxi 52″. While this happens though the guy from the office starts franticly telling him it ment nothing, presumably with Pegg’s girlfriend. Pegg yells at him and storms up to the taxi pulling in. The taxi has the number 42 on the rear, but because of the yelling he’s misheard the number so gets right in. The android at the wheel turns to him and does the stilted “where to?”
“The usual.” Pegg answers, still annoyed and gives the guy outside the finger as the taxi drives off.
A bump wakes him. The sun has gone down and Pegg dropped off in the back seat. Outside the taxi is driving down a country dirt track, surrounded by high hedgerows on each side, no streetlights anywhere.
“Where are we??” He asks the android driver, sudenly worried. “Almost there.” says the android as the track opens out to the front of a small cottage with warm yellow lights in the windows.
“No, this ins’t my home. You’re not my cab, are you?” He demands, pressing his phone against some sort of reader in the back of the drivers seat. The driver pauses for a momment. “I’m sorry sir, there is currently no signel to authenticate your ID. Please call the help line to obtain an override code.”
So Pegg gets out of the cab and wanders around abit with his phone, unable to get a signel. He walks up to the door of the cottage.
The door flys open and a crazy large 60yo-or-so woman in a folk-music style hat with bells on is on the other side. She manhandles him into the room. “Ah! There you are! Ahah! Come, come sit!”
She pushes Pegg down onto a wooden stool and goes back to sitting right next to a huge old wooden-case TV set with Inspector Morse showing on it. Beside her laying on a chaise-longe is a 50 or so year-old man with a bushy greying beard, and on the other side of the TV a dull-witted looking man with a shorter beard and huge beergut sits up to the navel in a tin bath, aparently naked. The man on the sofa starts jabbing the lady with various pointed objects, to which she alternatly replies, “Yes, that hurts, no that feels good, that one too..” all while not looking away from the TV.
Pegg sits there speachless, struck dumb, crouched up to avoid touching anything.
The man in the tub gets up and simply states, “I need to go have a bath”, walking across in front of Pegg and into another room to his right. The man is indeed utterly naked, but his gut covers his crotch at the front. At the rear though the man has a tail. As if a pigs tail had begun to grow, then carried on in the style of the the occasional genetic throwbacks, giving it an unpleasent broken look.
As Pegg can’t help but let his eyes follow the man out of the room, he spots an old cork noticeboard beside the door covered in newscuttings, but most prominantly is a faded red activists poster. As he stares at it, the camera zooms in on portion of the text. Something like, “these changes to be implimented by Prescot in the handling of genetic materials are feared could lead to escape and contamination of the local genomes, leading to dangerous mutations”.
He turns back to the ‘couple’ and sees the man is now pressing a jagged chunk of ice into the womans spine. “No, that’s good, good, no actually it hurts. It hurts. IT HUUURTS!!” She works up to a scream. Pegg stands and edges toward the door as she cries out again, “Well, was nice to meet you, I’ll see myself out.” he says to the mutants. The old woman looks up to him cheerfully and says, “Oh, take care deary.. oh no, wait.. DON’T LET HIM GET AWAY!!”
Pegg bolts for the door as the man stands up and a violent splash is heard from the next room.
He sprints across the small lawn and into the back of the cab, yelling, “Go, go, go!!”
“Please enter the override code.” The android cabbie replies calmly.
“I don’t have it, this is an emergency, just get us out of here!”
The engine starts and the lights come on, but the two men are out of the house. The huge naked man is on the bonnet and the other is at Pegg’s door, rocking the car violently as he locks it. “A person is blocking the way. We cannot move until they have safely disengaged the vehicle.” The driver answers, adding sadly, “Sorry about this. It’s my programming, you see.”
As Pegg claws open the seperator between the driver and passenger compartment, climbing through and trying to pull the android out of his seat, we see him look up as the old man aproaches with a concrete flowerpot above his head. As Pegg screams, still trying to pullie the robo-cabbie free, the last thing we see is the flowerpot being thrown at the windscreen. It cuts to black with the sound of smashing glass.